Double Trouble
by Ishmael1
Summary: Lupin matches wits with a pair of fresh faced cat burglars


Note: The following is a parody. Lupin and other characters are trademarked by their respective owners.   
  
Double Trouble  
  
"Hey Jigen, what are you doing hanging around your hotel room? We're in a resort town! You should be out enjoying the evening."  
  
Daisuke Jigen lowered the newspaper he was reading and looked over to the balcony of the next room. "I can't shake the feeling that we're too close to our last job Lupin. The Founding Fathers cartel could find us here with no trouble." Even though he was supposed to be relaxing Jigen still had his fedora pulled down low over his face and still wore the heavy black blazer that hid the M19 Magnum tucked in his belt holster. "Plus, the town has changed so much since the last time I was here I barely recognize it," Jigen said, waving a hand toward the Blockbuster Casino, the hotel/casino across the street that was filled with memorabilia related to famous movies and that was teeming with families.  
  
"I know what you mean, nowadays the city looks more like an amusement park than a casino town. But I wouldn't worry about anyone finding us here; we're close enough that they won't think to look for us here but we're far enough away that we won't accidentally bump into any of them on the street," Lupin said, grinning at his own cleverness. Unlike his partner, Lupin was dressed much more casually. "They probably think we skipped the country like Goemon and Fujiko did. We'll be able to hide out in plain sight."  
  
"If that's the case why aren't you at the casinos instead of giving me a hard time?"  
  
"I'm trying to work out a few details about our next job plus," Lupin held up a cloth bag stuffed with socks and underwear, "I need to do my laundry."  
  
"The life of a thief is non-stop glamour and excitement," Jigen replied.  
  
"Trust me Jigen," Lupin said as he swung the bag of laundry over his shoulder, "nothing is going to happen here."  
  
As if on cue an explosion in the parking lot shook the hotel. The two thieves sprang over to the edge of their balconies to see what had happened. Three trees that decorated the parking lot had improbably exploded. After taking a brief glance at the burning shrubbery Jigen ran out of his room and headed toward the explosion. Lupin grabbed his sports coat off the chair it was draped over but before he could follow his partner he caught a strange movement out of the corner of his eye. A person had slipped out of a window of the Blockbuster hotel and was scaling the building up to the roof.  
  
"So that's what this is about," Lupin said to himself.  
  
Everyone in the hotel had come out of their rooms after the explosion and were milling aimlessly in the hallway, which meant Jigen had to spend several seconds pushing his way through the crowd before he could get to the stairwell. Before the gunman started down to the lobby he stopped when he noticed someone sprinting up the stairs above him. Deciding to play a hunch, Jigen followed the person up the stairs.  
  
On the roof of the hotel across the street a young blonde woman in a black bodysuit with the outline of a gray cat running down the front of it was working on the last few feet she needed to scale before she reached the roof.  
  
"Need a hand?" Lupin asked as he reached an arm down to her.  
  
The only thing that kept her from losing her grip from surprise was that her muscles were too tired to react to the sudden appearance of the man above her.  
"Who are you?" she asked as she grabbed Lupin's hand. While she let Lupin help her up she sprang away from him once she was on the roof.  
  
"Arsene Lupin the Third at your service. I saw you from my hotel room," Lupin jerked a thumb toward the other hotel, "and was curious to see what you were doing."  
  
"Lupin? I've heard of you. My sis and I aren't as notorious as your gang... yet."  
  
"Ah, so you're just starting out? That explains why you didn't plan ahead enough to bring along something to help you scale the building." While the woman was crouched low and trying to move away from Lupin, he casually had his hands in his pockets and was cheerfully bouncing along after her. "Still, you do have talent. Maybe you should team up with me. Say, that's not a bad idea," Lupin grinned, "Between your obviously athletic body and my imagination there's no telling what we could do."  
  
"Oh, I'm sure," the woman replied. "Wait, you said you were in the other hotel? How did you get over here?"  
  
"One of the tricks of the trade I'll be glad to teach you," Lupin said. "So how about it? Being a thief isn't easy, especially if you're just starting out. While the explosions worked as a distraction, don't you think they were a bit much? Everyone in the city knows something is happening now."  
  
"It was subtle compared to some of the high profile capers you've pulled."  
  
"Yes, but I don't cause a fuss and then leave empty handed," Lupin said, pointing to the empty bag she had slung over a shoulder. "The proper way to make an exit will be part of my first lesson plan. Other things I'll cover include what to look for in the proper getaway car, how to correctly make an announcement to the press about your upcoming heist, where-"   
  
"Save it, you're not fooling me," the girl said, interrupting Lupin. "All this nonsense about wanting to be my teacher is just you trying to distract me. Thing is, I'm not falling for it. The only reason you're here is because you're after the same thing we are." The young woman jumped up and grabbed a package that was stashed on top of an air vent, ran, and threw herself off the roof. As she fell the package unfolded into a glider decorated with black and gray cat patterns. As she glided up and away she called out to Lupin, "So long old man, we'll see who gets the treasure first!"  
  
"'Old man?'" Lupin groused, "That stings. I'm only a few years older than her. Maybe about five. Six, tops."  
  
***********  
  
Punching through the fire door, the figure scanned the roof to see if it was secure. Sensing someone behind her she spun around to find a man in a rumpled black suit slouched in the doorway.  
  
"That was quite a bit of effort just to blow up some trees," Jigen said.  
  
The long coat she was wearing and the angle of the stairs had kept Jigen from getting a good look at the person he was pursuing until now. She was a young blonde woman who was wearing a gray bodysuit decorated with the outline of a black cat underneath her coat. A flick of her wrist caused a blade to fall out of her sleeve into her hand as she sprang and thrust the knife towards Jigen's chest. In one continuous motion Jigen pulled his gun out of it's back holster, batted the incoming blade away with it's handle, and spun the gun on it's back swing so his finger was firmly on the trigger when the barrel was pointed at the girl's forehead.   
  
"Easy now," Jigen said, "I'm not after you, I'm just trying to figure out whether you're trouble or not."  
  
The girl, who was looking flushed both from the exertion of running up twenty flights of stairs and from having a gun pointed at her head flicked her eyes over Jigen before she went back to staring at the gun.  
  
"You're not a cop or with the Blockbuster casino, are you?" she asked.  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Then this doesn't have anything to do with you and to answer your question," the girl forced out a smile, "yes, I'm trouble." The girl dropped backwards and to one side, rolled to her feet, and sprinted across the roof until she grabbed onto the handle of the glider that had sailed over from the other roof. Instead of trying to stop her Jigen lowered his gun and watched the two identical women fly off.  
  
"Well well, now what was that all about?" Jigen muttered.  
  
**********************  
  
"Twin blonde cat burglars!" Lupin cheered, "Does it get much better than that?"  
  
"From the sounds of it we stumbled into the middle of amateur hour," Jigen said. The two of them were sitting on Lupin's balcony discussing the evening's events.  
  
"They're a bit new to the game, true," Lupin said, "but I did offer to give that one girl my personal hands-on training."  
  
Jigen looked at his friend from under the brim of his hat. "Lupin, have you ever had any luck with female thieves?"  
  
"There's a first time for everything," Lupin countered as he looked over at the casino across the street. "Still, I wonder what they were trying to steal over there. Is it worth our time as well? It's something we should check into tomorrow."  
  
"Don't you think we should leave instead?" Jigen said. "The cops will be all over this place now and we don't have anything invested here."  
  
"There's no reason to draw attention to ourselves by checking out early," Lupin said, "Besides, I want to see how this plays out. What do you know about the Blockbuster over there?"  
  
"The last time I was in town it was run by Cody Jarrett. He was something of a film buff who was running a gambling hall that was a front for laundering money. I guess he combined his two interests when he turned it into a family friendly casino."  
  
"So the items worth stealing could be something movie related? Hmm, this might be a more interesting case than the usual safe cracking jobs. Yeah, with both twins and a movie themed robbery this could be fun."  
  
"If we're on the case then I'm turning in for the evening," Jigen said as he got up to leave.  
  
"Good idea, since it looks like this is going to be a working vacation."  
  
After Jigen left Lupin remained on the balcony and slowly finished his drink. A few moments later Lupin heard sound of movement above him and wasn't at all surprised when the sisters slid down onto his balcony. The blonde in black slid up to the table Lupin was sitting at while her twin sister leaned against the railing.  
  
"Ah, how nice of you two to drop in this evening," Lupin said, raising his glass to them, "Say, the last time we met things were so harried that I never caught your names."  
  
"I'm Mickie," the blonde in black said, "while my sister-"  
  
"-is Rickie." Rickie finished. "So you're the famous Lupin?"  
  
"That's right. So you decided to take me up on my offer Mickie? It was a spur of the moment offer but I meant it. Just think what you and your sister could learn from working with me."  
  
"What could we learn-" Mickie said.  
  
"-from working with you?" Rickie continued. "We came here to decide if we were"  
  
"-going to pitch you over the railing or not." Mickie concluded.  
  
"Do you two always talk like that?" Lupin asked. "You must drive people crazy with that trick. But think of all the things you would you learn if take up my tutelage," Lupin got up out of his chair, pulled Mickie to him and danced about the balcony with her. The expression on Mickie's face was one of indulgent amusement. "It's not just knowing how to pull off a job, it's knowing how to do it properly. If you do something with enough style nobody will be able to catch you." When Lupin spun Mickie away from him she curled up in the chair Jigen had vacated. "So what do you say?"  
  
"Let's throw him," Rickie said.  
  
Lupin smirked as he sat back down in his chair. "You can't kid a kidder. You two aren't that ruthless. Besides, you aren't in any position to be making threats."  
  
"And why is that?" Mickie asked, breaking into an identical smile.  
  
"Because my partner actually watches my back." Both of the sisters spun around when they heard the metallic snap of a lighter behind them. Jigen, lounging casually in a chair on his patio, lit a cigarette with one hand while he kept his revolver trained on the girls with the other.  
  
"Damn, that's the second time he's gotten the drop on me," Rickie growled.  
  
"Fine, so we won't give you the toss," Mickie said. "The real reason for our visit is that we're challenging you."  
  
"That's right," Rickie continued. "Can you beat us in stealing what we're all after? Topping you in a crime-"  
  
"-would make our reputation." Mickie finished.  
  
"So you want to move straight from the tutorial to the field testing?" Lupin said.  
  
Rickie snickered. "Something-"  
  
"-like that," Mickie said. "We may be new to the game but we can keep up with the big boys like you. You'll see that for yourself once we rob the Blockbuster. Until then-"  
  
"see you at the movies!" both girls called out in unison. The twins sprang over the railing and leapt and spun from one balcony to the next until they disappeared from sight.  
  
"They know how to make an exit at least," Lupin said as he watched the girls spring away.  
  
"Lupin, shouldn't you have asked what it is we're supposed to be stealing?"  
  
"I'll find out soon enough and I figured I should give myself some sort of handicap to balance out the playing field."  
  
******************  
  
Mickie, who had her tools and weapons spread out on the bed of her hotel room, jumped when she heard a knock at her door. She wasn't expecting her sister or any other visitor so she stopped to slide a thin blade into her sleeve as she crept over to the door. Before she could determine who it was the door was kicked open and a burly figure tossed her to the floor.  
  
"I'm Inspector Zenigata of the ICPO and you're under arrest!" he barked.  
  
"Interpol is after me?" Mickie said. She tried to pull herself up off the floor but was shoved back onto the carpet by Zenigata as he confiscated her knife and handcuffed her hands behind her back.  
  
"Didn't you think anyone would notice those exploding trees? You and your sister are going away for trespassing, attempted robbery, wanton environmental destruction-"  
  
"I know the next job Lupin is going to pull!"  
  
"Lupin?" The older man relaxed his hold on her back somewhat. "What do you know about Lupin?"  
  
"Can we make some sort of deal?"  
  
"Ummm..." Zenigata tried to sound as if he needed to be convinced.  
  
"C'mon Inspector, my sister and I are small time, the person you really want is Lupin. Or do you think you can find out what Lupin is going to steal by tonight?"  
  
"Lupin's going to rob someone tonight?" Zenigata pulled Mickie to a sitting position and brushed at one of her shoulders as if to dust her off. "What? Where?"  
  
"He's after the Maltese Falcon."  
  
Zenigata sat down on the floor opposite Mickie. "You mean the old movie?"  
  
"That's right. Cody Jarrett, the guy running the Blockbuster casino, is such a fan of the movie that he commissioned a replica of the falcon made of actual gold and jewels that he keeps on display with all that other movie junk he has."  
  
"A real Maltese Falcon?" Zenigata said as he rubbed his chin.  
  
"Most people think it's just some display prop but Jarrett gets a kick out of having something so valuable on public display without anyone knowing any better. My sister and I were trying to steal the statue earlier but the bombs that were going to be our distraction went off too early. But now that Lupin is after the same thing we were going to- get him!"  
  
At her sister's cue Rickie crashed through the door. Still on the ground, Mickie swung a low kick at Zenigata while her sister threw a punch at his head. The surprisingly nimble inspector, however, simultaneously hopped over Mickie's kick while ducking Rickie's punch by folding himself into a ball in mid-air. Zenigata landed, shoved his hat into Mickie's face and pushed Rickie out of the way while blinding her with something as well.  
  
"Where did he go?" Mickie yelled as she rolled onto her feet. "What sort of police move was that?"  
  
"I don't think that was a cop," Rickie replied. She was holding the object that had blinded her for a split second, a rubber mask of Zenigata's face.  
  
"Then that means that was-"  
  
"-Lupin." The girls said in unison.  
  
"I'll get him," Rickie said. She went to the bed to grab a handful of weapons.  
"Never mind him," Mickie said. "Get rid of the transmitter that must be on my jumpsuit. It's the only way he could have tracked me here."  
  
Although she was puzzled Rickie went to the closet and checked her sister's work suit. Inside one of the belt loops was a tiny tracking device.  
  
"When did he... oh, when you two-"   
  
"-were dancing on his balcony." Mickie finished. She had slipped one hand out of her handcuffs and was working on the other. "That's what he was referring to when he said if you do something with enough style-"  
  
"-you won't get caught." Rickie said. "The know it all jerk."  
  
"I guess that dummy thought he could pull a fast one on us here as well. But whatever it was he was planning we managed to trip him up and we weren't even ready for him. Just think-"  
  
"-what we'll do tonight when we pull off the robbery." Rickie concluded.  
  
********************  
  
"I found out what we're supposed to be after," Lupin said, still dressed in the trench coat he used for his Zenigata disguise, "and I also found out that those sisters are so connected that they not only finish each other's sentences, but they are probably psychic as well. It's the only way that Rickie could have known that Mickie needed help. A nice trick and their little ambush shows that they're good at thinking on their feet. But, still, those girls really need to learn how the caper business works. If you get the drop on a pretty young woman they are supposed to be doing something like taking a bubble bath, not sharpening their knife collection. How am I supposed to flirt with her if she doesn't keep up her end of the deal?"  
  
"Lupin, don't you think you're giving them too much slack?" Jigen asked from across the table they were sitting at on Lupin's balcony. "They could manage to get the drop on you even without you playing with kid gloves."  
"You worry too much Jigen," Lupin said. "Now what sort of plans did you uncover?"  
  
"Nothing too specific since I had no idea what the hell I was looking for," Jigen grumbled. "I found a rough layout of Jarrett's office but that's not good for much since the Maltese Falcon is sitting in the middle of the casino floor. There's a huge collection of movie props and recreations on display, including the falcon." Jigen flipped a few postcards showing the interior of the casino onto the table. "Since Jarrett's running a 'family' business now there aren't any muscle goons on the floor itself, instead he keeps them hidden away in a back room just off to the side of the movie props." Jigen pointed to a crude map he had drawn on the back of a cocktail napkin to indicate the door. "If that door was blocked they would have to take the back route which would force them to work their way through the main lobby."  
  
"That delay will give us all the time in the world," Lupin laughed. "I just hope the cat girls can keep up with us."  
  
*******************  
  
Jigen relaxed at the bar near the movie props as he waited for Lupin's signal. Although it was nearly midnight the Blockbuster casino was still crowded with customers.  
  
"Yo, Jigen, how was your luck tonight?" Lupin asked as he sauntered up to the bar.  
  
"I played some blackjack while I was waiting but only came out even. How about you?"  
  
"Oh, I hit the jackpot but I'll tell you about it later," Lupin pointed to the movie display, "since it looks like it's time to get this evening underway."  
  
The Maltese Falcon was perched on a pedestal on top of a small island in the middle of a recreation of the Nile that flowed through the center of the display. Cleopatra's barge, loosed from its moorings, was floating toward the island with Mickie perched on the bow. The young woman stretched to try to grab the falcon before the barge became stuck on the sandy bottom of the artificial river. Right before she could get her fingers on it the falcon statue was snatched away.  
  
Lupin, swinging on a plastic jungle vine, held the Maltese Falcon up in triumph when he landed on a replica of the Bridge on the River Kwai. "Catch me if you can!" he yelled. Mickie scowled and leapt onto the bridge but found Lupin was already running up the steps to the Bates Motel. When Mickie saw that Lupin was scaling the building's storm drain in order to get to one of the casino's ventilation shafts she scrambled up the leg of a plaster Tyrannosaurus Rex that was stalking the outskirts of the lawn. Jumping onto the top of its head Mickie knocked the dinosaur off balance, causing it to slam into the Bates roof. His exit suddenly blocked by a fake dinosaur and an angry cat burglar, Lupin hopped over onto a flying DeLorean, snipped a pair of the wires that held the car in the air, and swung to a different section of the display.  
  
The casino guards who were trying to force the door that had been bolted shut by Jigen earlier in the evening scrabbled for the back of the room when a giant granite statue of the Lawgiver tumbled over and blocked the door. Jigen tossed aside the board he had used to dislodge the stone ape and climbed out of the display. As he was pulling a cigarette out of its pack he stopped and abruptly leaned backwards. A bullet flew past Jigen's face and shattered the top of a nearby slot machine.  
  
"He saw me again!" Rickie spat as Jigen dodged her shot.  
  
The casino customers had been watching the events, even with all the crashing displays, with a certain amount of amused curiosity. When Rickie's gun went off, however, the crowd ran. Realizing she wasn't going to get off another shot with everyone running in a blind panic, Rickie ducked behind a table containing an all night buffet for cover. She thought she had confused Jigen about where she was when a volley of shots hit the table. It wasn't until she heard the low groan of the table's weight pushing down on metal that she realized Jigen hadn't been shooting at her to flush her out, but rather at the table's legs. With a loud snap a table containing a selection of deserts and beverages collapsed and crashed down onto Rickie.  
  
Mickie, who had been climbing the rigging of the Pequod in her pursuit of Lupin, winced in empathic pain when the table hit her sister. The shock caused her to let go of the rope ladder she was on and to fall into the main sail. The impact of her fall caused the sail to shake so violently that it slapped into the rope that Lupin was holding onto causing him to drop the Maltese Falcon. Mickie rolled out of the sail onto her feet and looked up just in time so that she managed to catch the falcon instead of having it bean her on the head. The two criminals stared at each other in surprise for a second before Mickie let out a loud squeal of joy. As Lupin began making his way back to the deck Mickie jumped onto the dock and ran to a flagpole that was flying a massive flag of Freedonia. The cat burglar undid the knot on the flag cord and shot into the air when the heavy flag slid back to the ground. Letting go of the cord, Mickie flew through the air and landed on a catwalk near a maintenance door.  
  
"Of all the dumb luck," Lupin, who was now at the bottom of the flagpole, muttered.  
  
"Fat lot of good you would have been as a teacher!" Mickie crowed as she kicked the door open. "So long you old fossil!"   
  
Lupin scowled until Mickie went through the door then snickered and ran out of the display to the fire exit that Jigen had propped open.  
  
"Let's go Jigen! Security will be here any second and I think we've caused enough trouble for one evening."  
  
"Hold it!" Rickie yelled. There was frosting splattered throughout the angry woman's hair and over the front of her jump suit. Her coat, and all the weapons it hid, was soaked with coffee. "My sister may have settled things with Lupin, but you beat me at every turn," she said as she approached Jigen. The hit man stood with his hands in his pockets and silently watched her. The blonde woman grabbed the back of Jigen's head with one hand and gave him a hard, heavy kiss. "You're the first guy I've met who I haven't been able to run rings around. It's pretty cool to finally have some competition." Rickie grinned at Jigen and then dashed off to find her own way out of the casino. Jigen and Lupin stared after her for a moment, dumbfounded. Only the sight of the casino security finally making it onto the floor made them scramble out the exit.  
  
*******************  
  
Lupin drove his Fiat along the highway out of town well within the speed limit so as not to attract any unwanted attention.  
  
"If there was going to be anyone following us they would have shown up by now," Lupin said. "With security that bad we should rob that casino every week."  
  
"Maybe then we might actually get something out of the job," Jigen replied.  
  
"I don't know about that," Lupin said. "Check my laundry bag."  
  
Jigen pulled the bag out from the back seat. Stuffed inside the bag along with Lupin's socks was the Maltese Falcon.  
  
"What? How did you get it?"  
  
"Remember the surprise about falcon in the movie?"  
  
"Um... didn't it turn out to be a fake?"  
  
"That's right," Lupin said as he broke into a smile. "Jarrett's enough of a fan that he not only made a real Maltese Falcon but he made a decoy one as well. The one he had on display was a phony while he kept the real falcon in a wall safe in his office; a safe I robbed earlier this evening. That's quite the elaborate private joke Jarrett was playing, wasn't it?"  
  
"It was enough of a trick to fool the sisters at any rate," Lupin continued. "If there's anything I hope that those two learned from all this is that you can never assume anything. They thought they knew both why we were here and where the Maltese Falcon was and it ended up costing them. I hope they learn how to play the game a bit better soon since they do have potential. They also really need to learn that the girl is supposed to fall for the dashing criminal, not his scruffy partner," Lupin sighed. "Geez, don't kids today know anything?"  
  
"You worry too much Lupin," Jigen said as he tipped his hat even lower onto his face and settled into his seat. "If you ask me those girls are figuring out things just fine on their own." 


End file.
